believe.move.become.

Life is a journey, not so much to a destination, but a transformation.

Chin ups, tires, & abs..oh and did I mention PUSH UP

Tonights workout was challenging!  I have been feeling a little run down, but I was in it 100%.  Talk about push ups, push ups, incline push ups, roll out push ups, renegade rows with a push up. I love myself a push up and I feel like I am pretty good at them.  I put in 100% and feel like by the time it comes to do our timed circuit I can barely move my weights in an overhead press.  I guess it is better to have nothing left at the end of your workout then to not have given enough!!

Calories burned: 687

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Bi’s and Tri’s

I am getting stronger when it comes to my biceps and triceps.  I can now do 36 reps of each exercise with my 25 lb dumbbells.  I do tend to feel my triceps couple of days after I get done my workout!!  Happy that I am getting stronger and my dad calls me ARNOLD cause there is some serious definition on the back of my arms!!!  Ok maybe not this much!!

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Hate to miss a workout

Saturday I was exhausted!!  My 93 year old grandmother fell on Friday night and I spent half the night in the ER then transferring her to another hospital.  I was lacking sleep when it came time for my workout, but I have become on of those weirdos that doesn’t like to miss a workout and Saturday was no exception.

We worked really hard and I realized half way through our workout that my heart rate monitor was not on, pissah!!  I am moving my 20lb weights now and I am getting my reps in.  This months work outs are about time, but I am trying to consistently get at least 12 reps in!!  Wish those weights would get lighter, any day now!

Good news my weight went down and so did my body fat, someday I am going to figure this all out, but for now…

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Friday at the gym

When I walked into the gym on Friday morning and saw Heather I thought she may have fallen off her balance ball.  By the way can I say I feel totally awkward every time I get on to a balance ball and Heather looks like a damn magazine ad.  WHATEVER!!  Well I had promised on Tuesday when I left the gym without working out that I would make up my leg day and that is what I was there for.  I did 2 miles on the elliptical and then headed over to my 18″step and grabbed my 25lb dumbbells and banged out my workout.  I also did some chest and some pull ups because I was feeling good.  The one legged weighted squats are killer for me.  I struggle a bit, but I am trying to get deeper into my squats and worry more about form.

Calories burned: 575

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5X Training

Monday marks the beginning of a new series of training that Heather has planned for us.  We moved from the hill into the function room of a hall with a concrete floor and an echo that is ear-piercing.  Still better than the rain and the bugs!!!  I am abandoned my 15lb weights and are committed to my 20lb dumbbells for workouts.  I figure if there is no option I will continue to move the heavier ones.

She also must have ordered herself a new training toy, because we started our workout with band assisted pull ups at Park St park.  I am a fan, because I can complete more pull ups with that little bit of assistance and I think it encourages people who could do one without assistance to realize they are getting stronger.  The ball I am a little bit skeptical of, but we will give it a bit more time.  I liked the format of the workout, however I am a pretty competitive person so the timed circuit at the end was hard for me.  After my second set of exercises, my arms were shot.  I was having trouble holding my body weight in plank, nevermind the rollout push ups or renegade rows!!  I cut my reps back to 8 on the weighted exercises and finished with a pretty decent time.

This week is going to be a balancing act, Natalie has about a gazillion things going on and I need to stay on track and keep moving in the direction I did this past week, I will keep you posted!!

Total Calorie Burn: 657

 

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Time to be honest

I hadn’t exactly been avoiding Heather, but I didn’t really know what I wanted to say.  I was not sure what I was willing to admit, and I didn’t know how any of it would make sense to her.  I decided to send her an email letting her know what I was struggling to overcome and that I felt like I needed to reevaluate my goals and put some stuff into perspective for myself, (leaving out some important details.)

I had a five year roller coaster of a relationship with a man that ended a year ago today.  Except it never really ended, we just haven’t seen each other in a year.  We live in the same town and see each other in passing, but there was no closure for me and I have been racking my brain about what could possible be stressing me out.  This relationship was not healthy and it was a cause of extreme anxiety for me, potentially still wreaking havoc on my life.  I have come a long way, have a long way to go and I am willing to admit today was tough for me.

In a lot of ways my fitness journey started by trying to occupy my time with something other then thinking about why this relationship didn’t work out the way I thought that it would.  I needed to put myself first in my life, because for so many years I had waited for this person to put me first in theirs.  I mean there are a thousand reasons to workout, but I needed to change my life and this seemed to fit.  I am still trying to put the past behind me and realize that I don’t need a person in my life who doesn’t have time for me in their life.  I wanted to be so busy that if he did I have time for me I would already have plans, plans with my workout!!  I want to be stronger then I am, I want to be better then the girl who wasn’t enough, and I want him to see me and regret the choices that he made.  So there it is, I can say I am doing it for health, or to control my blood pressure, but the real reason I want to change is because I am hurt.  I feel like if every part of me is that much stronger, my heart will be too, strong enough to stop hurting, strong enough to let someone new into our lives.

So I got my leg workout in and was on the elliptical when Heather came to chat.  Natalie had finished up Tae Kwan Do and was watching TV outside of the express room while I finished up my cardio so we could get home.  Heather and I chatted, I am sure the above did bit of info will shed light on our conversation, since I omitted it while we were talking.  She is really great about listening and trying to process what is going on without trying to come up with a course of action on the spot.  I felt better and knew that I had work to do.  I have some of my own walls that I needed to break down to get back on track.  I needed to break down and ask myself why this is for me and get to a place where I can move forward.  I feel like I am working on it.  I need to stop using my busy life as a crutch and do it because I deserve to achieve the things that are important to me.

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A nice weekend and then into the work week

Sunday one of my many cousins was married and although it was a very nice day, it really screws up my entire weekend to spend all day Saturday at cheering and all day Sunday at a wedding.  I was looking forward to the new week after Saturday’s weigh in.  I realize now why I wanted to forget about Saturday’s workout and that is because when I got on the scale my weight had gone up 5.8lbs.  I mean really what did I do that caused me to gain 3 lbs of fat last week.  Heather had the most puzzled look on her face and I was feeling pretty defeated.  My week wasn’t great, but I wouldn’t ever have imagined almost 6lbs.  I did okay with my eating at the wedding and since it was on a Sunday night I didn’t really drink anything.  We were home by 9 o’clock and I was ready to give my journey some real thought.

Monday I packed my lunch and headed to work for the day with Natalie in tow.  We had dentist appointments, so it is easier for me to bring her to work with me for the day then to spend the day driving back and forth from Portsmouth to Rochester!!  I feel like there is never a dull moment, never a down time, always something occupying my mind.  We got home from work and after I fed her and got her ready for cheering practice, I was ready to get to my workout and see what I could accomplish this week.  Heather emailed me wondering what my game plan for this week was going to be and to be honest I was a little lost on where to go from where I was.

The workout on the hill was tough, and I let someone borrow my 15lb weights so I was committed to my 20’s for the entire workout.  I feel like I need to be committed to my 20lb weights from now on.

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Every workout has a purpose

My morning didn’t go the way that I had planned, so I decided to head to the gym and get a workout in.  After doing a few laps on the indoor tack at the gym I decided to spend an hour doing a yoga class.  Let me just say when Jen Lake walked out of the yoga studio you would have thought she saw a ghost.  I think she was a bit surprised to see me at a yoga class.

My body was sore and I really felt like I needed to stretch and spend some time trying to figure some stuff out.  Apparently stress can really wreck havoc on your body and pretty much sabotage your fitness goals.  After an hour of yoga in a controlled environment I was feeling pretty good.  I do much better with yoga when it isn’t buggy, or noisy, or smelly.  I actually enjoyed myself and to be honest yoga is a pretty decent work out.  I mean it isn’t lifting weights, but it challenges almost even muscle in my body when you do what the instructor asks.  If i had more time in my day I would make time for some yoga, but gosh when can I fit that in?  Maybe if I get to the gym early on Fridays and get my lifting done, I can get to yoga before i have to be at work?  Hmmm.. just a thought

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Reflection in the mirror

So I had committed to getting myself to the gym to workout on Thursday night.  What I am willing to admit, on Thursday I am exhausted.  I don’t know what it is about Thursday, but Natalie and I are go go go and Thursday becomes the night we crash.  I think for all of both our sakes Thursday needs to remain my day to rest.  I started to spend some time thinking about my WHY and what seems to be the hurdle I am having a hard time surpassing, and I have realized at least one thing.  I keep saying the same thing over and over again in my head and it is the road block that I need help pushing through.

9 months ago I never worked out, 9 months ago I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and never thought twice about what was going into my mouth.  I feel like in the past 9 months I have changed a lot.  I make way better choices then I used to, I don’t eat out as much, I don’t drink as often as I used to, and I exercise way more then I ever did.  It is a road block for me because although I know my body has changed, it isn’t enough for me.  I feel like I put in the time and can’t seem to figure it out.  I am the type of person who will read about diets and lifting and how to get where I want to be.  I will try to figure out a realistic weight and body fat for my body type to keep my goals realistic.  I will wear my heart rate monitor and journal my food and I can’t seem to be consistent at all.  I want to be successful and I want to look at myself and say wow, I did this it was all me and I am not there yet.  I need to wrap my head around the idea that yes I am working hard, but I am going to need to work harder, I am going to need to eat cleaner, and I am going to have to prove to myself that I will figure this out and I will see the reflection in the mirror I am looking for, as will you.

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No struggle….no progress

Hmmm…great cardio burn….but are you eating enough calories to support that burn?  Seriously, could there be anything else that I need to consider in this equation?  Trying to stay positive, but feel like I have never sucked at anything quite as bad as I seem to suck at this mystery known as fitness.

So tonight was kick boxing at the hill.  I was feeling pretty good still and I didn’t feel too much like I had over done it at the gym on Tuesday.  As a group we were all doing pretty good.  You can tell Heather loves to teach kick boxing, because she gets really into it.  Well we were into our combination sets and I missed a direction and screwed everyone up and needless to say….Heather was not a fan.

So you have a crappy day.  You start off really proud of what you accomplished the day before only to question if it was a good choice.  So you get yourself to class and it doesn’t go the way you thought.  I am pretty particular about a lot of things in my life.  I may be a bit of a know it all.  There are a lot of reasons that I am single, and there is a fitness hurdle I can’t seem to get over. Heather gives us these exercises about setting goals and figuring out why you want to accomplish your goal and revisiting your why.  I really need to take a look at my WHY and decide if I am being honest with myself.

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